Parents/Children Communication

It is very important for parents to be able to communicate openly and effectively with their children. Relationships between parents and their children are greatly improved when there is effective communication taking place. In general, if communication between parents and their children is good, then their relationships are good as well.

On the other hand, communication between parents and children that is ineffective or negative can lead children to believe that they are unimportant, unheard, or misunderstood. Such children may also come to see their parents as unhelpful and untrustworthy.

Parents who communicate effectively with their children are more likely to have children who are willing to do what they are told. Such children know what to expect from their parents, and once children know what is expected of them, they are more likely to live up to these expectations. They are also more likely to feel secure in their position in the family, and are thus more likely to be cooperative.

Ways To Communicate Positively With Children

• Start communicating effectively while children are young.
• Learn how to really listen.
• Regularly schedule family meetings or times to talk.
• Avoid Negative Communication
• Be Forgiving (Communicating During Conflicts).
• Negative Communication That Parents Should Avoid (Nagging, Lecturing, Critizing, Interrupting, Dwelling on the Past, Trying to Control Children through use of Guilt, Using Sarcasm, Using Threats & Lying).

Communication Builders. Here are some examples of things parents can say to their children to help open the lines of communication:

"I'd like to hear about it."

"Tell me more about that."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"That's interesting."

Effective, open communication takes a lot of hard work and practice. Parents should remember that they will not be perfect. Parents make mistakes. What is important is that parents make the effort to effectively communicate with their children starting when their children are very young. The result will be a much closer, positive relationship between parents and their children.

School Holidays

As usual, I look forward to every school holidays, in particular, the one towards year end. It not only gives me a break from chauffeuring my children to school but also relinquish my role in the kitchen. No hurrying to the market place and rushing back in time to prepare a meal. No cracking of brains on what to cook. Most of all, there's no guilt feeling if I don't cook a decent meal for my children as I can always have the pleasure of eating out with them during the wonderful school break. Huh, so relax and carefree.

What Is Your Choice?

Given a choice of RM10,000 to go for a holiday or purchase a luxurious watch, which one would you choose?

Grateful

Just the other day, my family and I dropped by Rain Forest bakery to pick up some snacks. We liked the food at this small cozy place becos the food stuff are hand made and free from preservatives.

An elderly man came by and started the conversation. From there, we knew he was the shop owner and that one of his twin sons who acquire the bread making skills from England runs the bakery store. They also hired Nepalese as helpers.

He said we were indeed very fortunate as compared to his Nepalese workers. We were told about the livelihood of Nepalese. They come from a relatively small country surrounded by mountain regions. As we all know, Nepal is among the poorest and least developed countries in the world with many living below the poverty line.They lived in semi-deserted places near the mountain and valley areas where houses are made up of a tight bamboo framework.

Transportation in Nepal can be a hindrance as roads are narrow, steep, winding and frequently crowded. Many destinations can only be reached by foot (or helicopter).

In summarising his story, this friendly gentleman at Rain Forest bakery taught us something. To be grateful in life and should be thankful for what we have. There are many others out there who don't even have enough to eat.

What is Happiness

What is Happiness and how does one define Happiness? Happiness and unhappiness are opposite sides of a judgement about your situation. If you judge your situation as bad for you, that's unhappiness. If you judge a situation as good for you, that's happiness. The experience of happiness is one of those general terms we use to say, "I feel good emotionally."

Happiness is what you feel when you're NOT feeling....

• self doubt
• depressed
• hateful
• fearful
• worried
• unsatisfied
• bored
• grief
• shame
• discontent
• anxious
• annoyed
• angry
• irritated
• frustated
• stressed
• upset
• down
• sad
• envious or
• jealous

Ways to becoming Happier

• Control Desires
  Unfulfilled desires can be disastrous to our happiness, if we indulge them. Sometime desiring things motivates us to work on acquiring them, and working to do so can be a great source of happiness. However, when desires for more things, more accomplishments, more money, a better job, a better mate or other such prizes in life dominate our thinking, they can dramatically limit our happiness. We can decide to make our happiness and the happiness of others our greatest desire, and thereby stay focused on what we all really want and need.
• Like Yourself and Others
  Liking ourselves, and others, is very important to our happiness - Liking feels pleasant, and not liking feels unpleasant. We should strive to like ourselves and others more and more, seeing the best in everyone as much as possible. As we do this we will enjoy ourselves more and more. Since we are with ourselves always, it is especially important for us to like ourselves very much.
• Invest in Relationships
  Other people are our most relied on source of happiness - Knowing this fact will motivate us to invest our time and energy in developing, enhancing, and maintaining close friendships and many acquaintances. We will also realize that since we spend so much time with our family, it is especially important to devote much time and effort to our family relationships.
• Be Optimistic
  Optimism is important to our happiness - We can see our glasses as half full, or half empty. We can hope for the best, and expect that things will turn out well, or we can dread what might go wrong, and worry about our future. Happiness research shows that worry is the number one enemy to happiness, and as we become more optimistic, we become happier.
• Choose Happiness over Money
  Money has very little effect on our happiness - The better we realize that, above the poverty level, having or making more money will not make us any happier, the more we will spend our time and effort on activities that will make us happier.Stay Happy Amidst Sadness
  Our sadness usually doesn’t help others - Sometimes we feel that it is appropriate for us to feel sad in order to help others. When we are doing what we need to do to help others, (like visiting a sick friend, or giving charity) we should feel good about our kindness. Many times we are more helpful to others who are going through a difficult time when we keep up our spirits than when we join them in their sorrow.
• Practice Happiness
  Becoming much happier is a skill like playing a piano, throwing a baseball, or writing. The more we work on becoming happier, the happier we will become. As with any skill, it is helpful to schedule practice times and to have a program or routine to follow. To practice my happiness, I sometimes sit at a coffee shop, smile gently, and silently think to myself "I feel very happy,..excellent, wonderful," etc. while writing down these positive adjectives for emphasis. The basic purpose behind happiness practice sessions is to help us better get in touch with the feeling of happiness, and to help us learn to choose happy thoughts rather than simply accept whatever thoughts happen to come into our minds. Gently smiling throughout our days is also a great way for us to become happier and continuously remind ourselves that happiness is something we should strive to feel always.

Marital Bliss

Today mark the anniversary of my umpteen years of marriage. It was a wonderful feeling celebrating this special milestone together. Received a lovely bouquet of flowers from my soulmate. It came as a surprise!

What makes a good marriage? Of course, it takes hard work, respect and lots of love. Marriages are believed to be made in heaven. It is a life journey. In a husband and wife relationship, giving and taking should start from day one and should be mutual. Trust, patience & understanding, making decisions together, mutual encouragement and support and good communication are superb ingredients of a successful marriage.

Now that a milestone has been crossed, looking forward to moving to another and many many more to come.

Bouquet of flowers from my soulmate

Wrong Targets

It was a case of mistaken identity for two petrol station owners. These two petrol station owners are calling on the public not to boycott their stations. Rumoured SMSes and e-mails were sent out by unscrupulous people yesterday asking the people to stop buying petrol from the Green Lane Shell station beside McDonald's and the Shell station in Island Glades in front of Gembira Parade, alleging that the businesses belong to Bukit Bendera Umno division chief Datuk Ahmad Ismail. One of the owners claimed that he never knew who Ahmad was until the media highlighted his alleged racist remarks.

Anyway, Umno has suspended Datuk Ahmad Ismail as Bukit Bendera chief and stripped him of his membership rights for 3 years for making insulting remarks which were deemed offensive by the Chinese community. He may have little choice but to accept punishment, though he continued to express his defiance.

It's Never Too Late....To Save

My grandmother's idea of financial planning was to stash a small emergency fund in a milo tin under the bed. Things have really changed. It doesn't seem like that any more, our world is growing in leaps and bounds.

These days, finances are out of control for most families. The financial plan of the day seems to be borrow, borrow, and then borrow more money! A substantial increase in consumer debt through credit card is a good indicator that our spending is out of control.

To start a plan, you'll need to first take control of your money. Your income must be sufficient to meet your expenses. If not, you have two options, increase income or reduce expenses. You'll most likely find it more practical to get your spending under control first. Tracking your money is a crucial step in planning your budget and finances.

Then, set financial goals for future plans. If you have children, you may need to plan for college. And, it's never too early to make plans for your retirement. Work these goals into your budget as if they were monthly expenses. Commit to pay yourself every month in planning for your future goals. Build an emergency savings so you will have something to fall back on when unexpected events arise.

Personal finance planning is all about you. It's about you and your family's individual needs, dreams, and security. Do you believe in the saying: "It's never too late"?

Dental Phobia

Dental phobia is common among children and adults who have this paralyzing fear of seeking dental care. Many a time, I tried to make excuses not to seek regular dental care due to anxiety and fear. Seeing the needle and syringe for anesthesia, hearing the noise of the dentist drill and the embarassment that the dentist will say you have the worst mouth they have ever seen make matters worse?

It's been ages since I last visited the dentist but for the recent past six weeks, I had been visiting the dentist for various reasons. Can't contain my joy when I finally completed my dental treatment today. Woohoo!

Week 1 - Scaling
Week 2 - Tooth extraction
Week 3 - Another deep scaling and deep filling of wisdom tooth

Week 4 - Root canal treatment

Week 5 - Continue with root canal treatment

Week 6 - Opt for filling instead of crowning after root canal treatment

Fortunately, modern dentistry has many new, wonderful products and procedures that make dental visit a pleasant experience, combined with a qualified and compassionate dentist you can successfully conquer the fears. Trust me, dental neurosis is a thing of the past. I'm glad I managed to convince two of family members to visit their long overdue dental care & check up.

THANKFUL

We have a reason to be thankful....

for the blessings that come our way.

Once Upon A Time .....

Once upon a time, there was a close-knit family made of siblings, Goldie Lock, Red Riding Hood, Popeye Sailorman & Jack Beanstock, their spouses and children. They, very often, found time to gather around for every family event and it was the envy of the neighbourhood. But one day, heart failure became a personal experience of pain, grief and tears. Suddenly, one fine day, the siblings lost their father whom they so respected and loved. From that day forward, life looked very different through the eyes of the family.

The siblings who were once so close-knit began to disintegrate unintentionally and often left for extended periods of time with very little communications. Sometimes, family breakups happen after long periods of unhappiness. At other times, they happen suddenly and it is hard to understand why. Family relationships change as a result of the split and there is often a lot of adjusting to do. Everyone in the family has a duty to make siblings' relationship works but sadly, nobody feels the need to do so.

Soon, another heartbreaking news came, this time the siblings lost their mother to cancer, the crackline was even more apparent than before. The relationship among the siblings was getting more distant. Psychologists believed, siblings often grow closer than they might in a happier environment, offering each other solace and protection. But disappointedly, this is not always the case. If anything, it is sisters who are likely to draw together to ensure a united family, while brothers resist forming tighter bonds.

Just wonder any of the siblings would initiate to bring the whole family to where they once belong. It will certainly brings back many many fond memories of the past.

Buffet for Gastritis & Reflux-Related Patients

For those who have reflux and gastritis problems, don't eat all you can in a buffet. Just pick your favourites. I know it's difficult to resist the temptation of foods.

Gastritis & Reflux-Related Problems

Many of us may have symptoms relating to gastritis but very commonly ended up seeking treatment as some other unrelated illness. Gastritis is an inflammation or irritation of the stomach lining. A peptic ulcer is an open sore in the lining of the esophagus, stomach or duodenum. The most common causes of both these conditions is infection with bacteria called Helicobacter pylori.

A close friend of mine told me she suffered anxiety, depression, pressure, tension, insomnia, etc, etc. Her discomfort and gastric pain went unnoticed until she was recently admitted to hospital for treatment of anxiety. Doctor at the hospital told her to loosen up and relax because in some cases the symptoms arise from an anxiety neurosis. She was then prescribed muscle relaxant tablets with a dose of Maalox to combat the acidity effect of the drug. However, her agony did not just go away as she felt hunger pains, blurred visions and body weakening.

Having been through gastritis pains and reflux, I can certainly share some of my experiences with those who have similar illness. Definitely, the indications of body weakness, hunger pain, giddiness, diarrhoea, vomitting, poor appetite signify some kind of stomach gastric irritations. However, anxiety, depression and insomnia can further aggravate the situation.

It took me more than one and a half years to overcome gastritis and reflux problems. My consultant gastroenterologist doctor had prescribed drugs like Prevacid, Controloc, Losec and Parriet which act as proton pump inhibitor, Zantac as H2 blocker and both these actions help to stop acid secretion. Gaviscon, Maalox, act as antacid. Motilum to combat stomach wind.

Gastritis and most reflux-related problems can be overcome without medication if you are prepared to embark upon a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.

1. Because reflux is more likely to occur when you are lying down, allow at least three hours to pass between your evening meal and bedtime. During this interval, you may drink water but nothing else.

2. Modify the character of your evening meal. If possible, make your noon meal your heavy meal, so that you will be content with a lighter evening meal. Avoid fried or other fatty foods, because fat stimulates the stomach to secrete acid and digestive enzymes.

3. Caffeine, tea, chocolate and mint are the main culprits. Avoid fatty and fried foods. Some doctors suggest avoiding acidic foods, such as tomato sauce and orange juice. Alcohol is also a no-no.

4. Give up smoking if you are a smoker.

5. Do not wear tight-fitting clothes.

Now let's say you do all of these things, and yet you still are dependent on medication to avoid heartburn.

The usual recommendation is that you should be on Prevacid (lansoprazole) or Prilosec (omeprazole), medications that do an excellent job of blocking stomach acid production. Prevacid (twice a day) works well for me. Take Gaviscon as and when necessary.

To all those out there who are having gastritis and reflux-related problems, I hope the above information may be useful.

Life's Journey

Life is a long, long journey. Choose your life route wisely as there's no turning back in life. Transforming to adulthood is an important change of state - Success or Failure starts here. We go through many phases in life and as we moved along gradually, our goals and priorities changes. So, it's ok to dream big, just like Michael Phelps did.